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Jessica where are you? :( I don't know if you're alright or not..… - No More Breath Inside ... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Mar. 10th, 2005|05:14 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[audio |Avenged Sevenfold - "I Won't See You Tonight Part 1"]

Jessica where are you? :( I don't know if you're alright or not.. I'm so worried. I haven't even known you that long but you mean a lot to me already.. :( Are you in the hospital? Are you in a mental ward?  Rehab for your drug problem? Are you.......... I can't even bring myself to say it. I know you're not. You wouldn't give up. Not that easily. Jessica you're strong and beautiful and I want to go to school tomorrow and see you there at lunch... Until then I won't sleep. =(

*Sigh* Jessica cut herself at lunch really bad today. Down the road, not across the street. She was taken away and Dave went with her. Dave's mom picked him up from school because he was too unstable to stay.. and he doesn't know where she is either. He's so worried about her. We both are. So now Dave is contemplating suicide and I'm here watching my friends slip away not knowing whether Jessica is even alive or not. Oh my G-d I'm crying now. I really cannot deal with everything that's been going on lately.

I have this asshole in school harassing/sexually assaulting me. In the hall someone whacked my ass so hard and I think it might have been him but the halls are so crowded I can't tell. I'm terrified to go to school. I keep thinking of this asshole trying to pull me in so he could kiss me & him holding on to me while I was trying to push him off and get away. I'm so happy that I got away before he succeeded. Ugh.. I'm so paranoid in school and I feel really uneasy and I just can't take this anymore.
Porcelain. Dolls are made of porcelain, and dolls are perfect. Porcelain when used to describe a person usually means they are so beautiful, so fragile looking and delicate. Yet the way porcelain is mentioned in this entry, and the way I'm using it... Well let's just say not many people would find it so perfect nor beautiful. But to me it represents what can be beautiful. I tried. I failed. I'm not one of the beautiful ones. I will never be.

Ugh.. I have to stop wallowing in self-pity. My friend can be dead and all I care about is myself. I wish I could just disappear right now, and never ever come back.